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How to get your Car noticed on ebay

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How to get your Car noticed on ebay

Post  GrumpyBodger on Sat Mar 20, 2010 4:09 pm


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2005 RENAULT CLIO
DYNAMIQUE 16V BLUE



Item condition:--


Time left:3d 02h (23
Mar, 201015:10:07 GMT)

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Current bid:620.00

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Seller info
beanmasteruk ( 196)
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Other item info
Item number:230451057921
Item
location:
farnborough, Hampshire, United Kingdom
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to:
United Kingdom




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Description
Postage and payments
Last updated on 15:56:04 GMT, 18 Mar, 2010 View
all revisions



Item
specifics - Cars & Other Vehicles
Manufacturer:
RenaultColour: Blue
Model: ClioEngine
Size:
1,149 cc
Type: Standard CarPower: --
Mileage: --Seats: --
Doors: 3MOT Expiry:
--
Model
Year:
2005Drive Side:
--
Reg. Date:
09 Jun 2005Road Tax: --
Reg. Mark: **05 *** Get
the Vehicle Status Report
Exterior: --
Previous
Owners:
1V5
Document:
--
Transmission:
ManualManufacturer's
Warranty:
--
Fuel: PetrolIn-Car
Audio:
--
Service
History:
--Interior/Comfort
Options:
--
Safety Features: --



Attention Teenage Drug Dealers/Low Life
& Oxygen Thieves


If you think you've saved enough
benefit from your 4 children before your 20, this could be the answer to
your prayers.


A proper bastardised, chaved up Skippy
mobile if ever there was. Enhance your street cred at the local drive
thru burger joint or council estate shop front no end with this utterly
tacky converted little Renault Clio. Not your Gran's idea of a lift to
town, granted, but a fantastic opportunity to increase 3 fold your class
A drug selling ability. This is the car you need boys. The punters will
flock to the window for your home grown skunk and other illegal
substances. you just ain't gonna look out of place in this little
beauty! Now I've made sure the tax ran out last November, so there is a
big pat on your scrawny little backs already.


Dig out yer favourite unwashed "Umbro"
hoodie and come cast your shifty little eyes on this. Ideal for the
"Street Pharmacist" and other suitably attired twats. Your gonna need a
baseball cap with this beauty, ideally one that comes with no fitting
instructions. Heaven forbid you should put it on the right way. What
better way to compliment your stolen Nike Air Max trainers than to be
seen dangling a foot outta this pocket rocket.

Worried about the Babylon spotting ya,
no need. Car comes fully equipped with proper blacked out gangster glass
on the side windows. Hell, you could even fill the back up with yer
ugly chav kids and knowone'd see 'em. doesn't get much better boys. Ah,
but it does. It does. To show your complete and utter lack of taste and
knowledge of the motor car you'll also find the ridiculous rock hard
lowered suspension to your taste as well. Why not get a step closer to
Gran's inheritance by offering her a lift in ya new "wheels" then taking
her down the post Office flat out over the speed humps round your
estate and hopefully knocking the spine out of her? Might need 2 laps
but god damn them single teenage mums smoking Marlboro Lights outside
the chippy will be impressed fella's. You know that they like a ride
like this. Turn up the Alpine Head Unit, stick in your favourite and
incomprehensible "Drum & Bass" Cd and the throbbing out the 6x9
parcel shelf will have them pregnant in no time.


To complete the proper drug dealer
look, a tasteless stripe has been fitted from the front to the rear.
Finished in "Air Max" white it really doesn't complement the car in any
shape or form. Rather like you and your Brethren spitting on the floor
constantly. Completely needless but you think it makes a statement about
you. You'll also enjoy the totally pointless but ridiculously noisy
after market air filter. About as helpful as a fart in an astronaut
suit, but hell, you didn't get where you are today by being helpful, did
you?

I'm quite sad to see the thing go
really. There is nothing more pleasurable to me at 41 than to drive
round in this bit of shhh!! and look a complete prick. I'd much rather
hand the opportunity to you work shy crack head council tenants any day.
This little set of wheels is gonna let the other hoodies know you've
made it. cocaine and skunk selling is never gonna get any easier for the
lucky buyer of this car. I might have a deal on a couple of gram's of
smack or coke, but ideally I'd need to get a serious drug habit before
hand. Perhaps someone could help? You can pay in cash or wraps, I'm easy
really. Bring along your mums credit card or one that your mate has
cloned down the petrol station. If it is going to be hard cash, please
ensure it is discretely hidden in a used Tesco carrier bag, and you have
folded one 20 note around 4 others. Makes counting so much easier.


For any female buyer I'm offering a
free Tatoo of something utterly meaninless to go in the middle of your
lower back. If you haven't already got your "Tramp Stamp" that is.


If your an under-age drink driver, or
under-age driver for that matter, this little beauty really isn't going
to attract the attention of the local constabulary at all. you'll drift
pass any patrol car effortlessly. Make sure there is at least 6 of you
in the car though, Splif in hand. If your driving, have another swig
from your 2 litre plastic "LIDL" brand cider as you nonchalantly flip
the bird to the passing police patrol. Head off for the nearest estate
for some tyre screeching fun. They ain't never gonna take you alive in
this.


The car does like a good rev in the
morning at any unsocial hour. Neighbours will love it and feel proud to
live in the same road. don't forget to rev the pants off of it at all
junctions and roundabouts as well. This really will increase the length
of your manhood no end. your virginity is gonna be a thing of the past
when the babes see you in this "fanny magnet". You can almost bet your
last eighth of puff your gonna get laid. Hell, might even get a few
STD's as well. your gonna get a proper bird with this motor.


For the disqualified driver I'll even
offer to recover it from outside the local Magistrates or police
station. What better way to impress the local Judicial system in one
final act of defiance before collecting your ASBO?


Don't let the frivolous matter of
actually holding a current, valid drivers licence and insurance put you
off this bargain. A visit to your local crack house should procure some
documentation from as little as fifty quid.



Nuff said, innit.






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GrumpyBodger
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Number of posts : 378
Location : Dachau, Germany
Registration date : 2008-09-06

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